Thoughts....glorious beautiful wispy realities of the mind

As I sit in the office listening to a song, it triggers a portal into my past, I have read that a sound or especially a smell (the olfactory sense is one of the strongest trigger of memory) has the ability to trigger a particular memory.....as per yogic parlance there is no past for a man of wisdom......the sage is like a river.......no two times is he/she the same.......the sound triggered a particular rhythm I was familiar with......... I could feel my consciousness travel effortlessly through the past as clearly as I was living it......making me realise the potential of the brain to store memories......every thought described here refers to a particular shade of mind and I could feel it vividly......the mind had the ability to relive my past.....any past.....my habits .....any habits....my karma....any karma....making me realize the sacredness of every moment.......the holy presence of each second......described below is the flow....of consciousness.....it can make sense to the one who can induce the same trigger in his psyche as he/she goes through the passage...... The girl with the small backpack…….the teacher who makes me feel special by her honeyed words……the joy of seeing my mother coming to the school gates to pick me up………her forehead glistening with beads of pearly sweat…….the day extending to comfort as she lifts me to enquire whether the other children have been horrid………the school corridors which see many an adolescent fights …….cronies huddling together to decide what should be played in the PT period…….the excitement as the hour of play approached…….the pain of being judged by exams...…Falling asleep to endure the hour long journey to my alma mater, waking up seconds before the bus reached the college….the unlit corner at the back of the canteen on Thursdays where dreams would light up the chessboard……the trip to Moonar where the heart was given away at first sight…..the cold hands of reason and prudence which taught patience to a heart…….the dreary existence in artificially lit corridors killing the soul one day at a time…..the luncheon which would never end……..the clock striking 5 which would unleash the tethered beast, my mind…….the weight of existence every morning as the bus drew nearer to the office……..the exhilaration of realizing that understanding and love of a person, given by choice outweighs petty silver………the trepidation in unveiling……….hope outweighing fear…….the disconnect…...…the understanding that it’s easy to buy sex but not love and respect……the ability to not hate even when logic dictates otherwise………the question of existence once more….ever teasing……..the faith morphing into belief…..in myself…….the joy of realizing I am the architect……good or bad , I have to love my construct…….no more fate shall be allowed to intervene………she needs my guiding hand……..the joy of unfettering the hidden embers……..the expectations surpassing the ability……….the humility which urges me to know more……..the will to play the game and best it………..first lesson: rejection………second lesson: acceptance………third lesson: detachment…….4th lesson: motivation…..with no causation……..5th lesson: Stop, reflect, change direction …..last lesson :Patience……. Months of endurance………doors open………..are they real?...........New people….new lessons……..the mind has to understand to let go……..different techniques are tried………some work , some don’t……………surrender to the greatest healer…time………remember the one who has always existed within…..no more anger……..everything melts into joy……….the golden fetter is visible again…..things which have been underneath resurface…….this time I learn……..the joy of existence visible at last………experience, my master has taught me well……..the swan song………unlocking the past…….as it glides into the present…….chiding me for not recognizing its trickery……..laying about its patterns for me to see………karma……..am I yours?............

Sahanavilla

Nearly every other weekend, I flee to my sister's house to spend the time with my nieces......The timing is perfect......if I go every week they don't miss me as much when I go after a fortnight......

Initially the younger dumpling hated my guts as I used to laugh at everything she did, which she misconstrued as me making fun of her......"Not funny" she would fume with her hands on her hips.......making me double up with laughter even more......

As part of extending the olive branch I tried wooing her with chocolates, gifts , flattery but nothing worked.........
One weekend I was busy with my college assignment and did not lavish her with attention as I normally do......which piqued her....

After which I decided to let her be and started playing with her elder sister.......that did it....I was immediately called for and told that the honorable privilege of carrying her on my back had been bestowed on me...:P

She is a hard task master and was not pleased until I collapsed on the floor expressing my inability to move...:P.....but it was a start....

Under normal circumstances both of my nieces bay for their siblings blood and they consider the day incomplete until one of them has drawn blood..:P....

but sometimes the younger one understands that she is not in a position to settle the differences the way our rugged ancestors did......with her mom nearby she knows that brute force would be looked down upon.......

so she has started reverting to the beautiful art of manipulation which my sister insists has come over to the kid from her uncle....:P

She comes running to me and paints a nice little picture where her elder sister is the mean ugly bully and she is the dainty damsel in distress.....she is frail and dainty and she uses it to the maximum advantage....amid sobs...she looks at me with bamby eyes and pleads for redressal....

This puts me in a fix, though I have a soft corner for the younger munchkin......the elder one also has to be placated......luckily she understands that she is facing a formidable opponent and agrees to the terms only after committing me to a secret pact of playing PS3 with her late in the night after her nemesis has fallen asleep....

Lately they have taken to playing chess......or rather playing with chess.......I was included in the game after an afterthought....since somebody has to lose...:P
There are very strict rules which are subjective and change at a moments notice, the most intriguing one was the respectful greeting reserved for the "horse"......as in I had to ask the horse for permission before I moved it......the knight is respected for his bravery.....not so the king who is lazy and just sits around when others fight for him.....

The game of chess is put on hold to wonder whey the "rook" is shaped like a castle.....obviously somebody without much forethought had designed the game.....why not make them look like humans??
sometimes the pawns are used as missiles against poor uncle, especially when he is being a baby and wants to go have lunch.....what is lunch?, when two kingdoms are fighting for survival....

Lately my elder niece and myself have devised a strategy to play PS3 by which all the parties are kept happy....
There are two joysticks......one used by myself or the elder munchkin and the other disconnected /non functional remote is handed out to the younger daredevil with much reverence....
The elder one positions herself behind the kitchen counter...not too far away so that the infrared remote does work....and also keeps her out of the visual range of the younger one.
We have to time our shots in golf/baseball in such a way so that it coincides with the time the younger one swings her bat/club.......

If she looks behind her, the game is stalled for obvious reasons(none should interfere in the play.....its not about the team ...its more of an individual thing with her).......this takes the game to a whole new level......normal games acquire a complexity which PS3 can never emulate)

In school she is the unfettered bully, since the only person who can daunt her a.k.a her mother is not there.....her principal complained that she questions her and if she is told to share her toys with other kids...she looks incredulously at the stupid suggestion and plainly responds with a resounding "NO"......"Give it to me".....
My sister is worried about her teacher's feedback and scolds the kid for being unruly.....
But she has her uncle for support......an easy wink and secret admiration for her rebellious nature puts her right back on track :P

I have fallen in love with her world though......a world where the only competitor is her elder sister ....a jelly spined uncle as an ally.....a pack of squirts who are at her beck and call in the school.....sadly I have to return to my apartment and put up with people at work even though I would like to shout at them , say "give it to me " and be able to walk away, but thats reserved for sahanavilla alone.....

Let thy Will be done....not mine

Sameer walked down the steps of the temple despondently, his mind in a whirl ......, everything was wrong with the world........his collapsing business, his creditors circling him like vultures.....there seemed to be no way out......

The path leading out of the temple ran past an ashram.......his eyes meandered through the small thatched huts which were built precariously on the edge of the river.....his eyes traced stillness .....amidst nature's rhythmic movement his eyes rested on a sadhu......great peace seemed to emanate from him....his feet of their own accord took him near the holy presence......

The sadhu was lost in himself......his beard snowy white gave his face a gentleness that made people confide their troubles in him......Sameer waited patiently.......
The timeless one gave no sign of acknowledgement.....as Sameer rose to leave....he heard a voice..."Who are you child"?.....

"My name is Sameer babaji.....I live nearby ......"
"What brings you here.....?" queried the sadhu

"I was walking back home, when I saw your ashram.....I felt this irrestible urge to come and meet the inmate of this ashram.....or maybe it was my karma which bought me here...."

"so you are a believer of karma....?" asked the sadhu smilingly....

"Of course babaji.....and I believe I have very bad karma......i am experiencing difficulties all around......what else can this be other than my own karma..."

"what do you want from me?" enquired the sadhu

"I have come to you seeking wisdom , I know that its only people like you who can conquer karma, I want to be one among you......Is it right for me to become your disciple??"

"You attribute me with powers I don't possess child......its not I who decide .....Its the almighty who is the creator of the play which we refer to as life, if its his will you will be initiated in the path"

"Babaji......If you don't help me then I would be very unhappy....you have to tell me explicitly a solution for my dilemma"

"Are you married , child?? Do you have children depending on you?"

"I have a wife, but she doesn't understand me .....her thoughts revolve around the children.....but I believe that her good karma will protect her in my absence"

"Whats her name?"

"Savitri, babaji......she is a distant relation of mine...I was forced to marry her....
Her mother died young and her father disappeared one day leaving me to fend for her"

The sadhu looked at him intently , as if trying to peer into his soul.....
"Allright child, let karma be the decider.......think of 3 things which if turned around will change your decision .....If by a week's time things are the same ......I will initiate you as my disciple"

Sameer rushed to touch the sadhu's feet....."dhanyavaad babaji......"

The sadhu lapsed into his meditations......oblivious to the surroundings......

Sameer returned home late at night, his wife and kids were already asleep......he slowly crept beside her and tried to fall asleep but could not.......though he had told the sadhu his decision , his mind was not at ease......how would his wife manage.......would she be reviled by members of his caste, his own relatives.......he felt tired asking rhetorical questions in his brain and left it to the morn to give him an answer......

The sun dawned bringing with it uneasy quibbles ......Sameer took a detour to go to his shop , on his way he encountered Mishra, his business partner rushing to meet him......
"Sammer babu.....its a miracle!!!!!!"

"What is the matter Mishraji, is everything allright?"

"It is more than allright , one of our default customer , made a bulk payment of his dues and also has roped in three more customers.....grace be to god.......now if only our creditors give us a bit more time, then we need not lose face in the community"

Sameer looked at him thoughtfully....."It is a miracle, we have been fighting with this customer since 3 years and last time we spoke he was threatening to take us to court, what could have changed his mind"

Mishraji excalimed "Sammer babu, why do you want to go into all that......the problems are over now...." he smiled....

Sameer remained lost in his thoughts........the entire day was spent in settling remaining debts, calling customers , assuring them they will get their supplies on time....

Sameer returned home to find his wife in a good mood........she had cooked his favourite meal .....the kids clung to him.......


The next day his creditors came to his house early in the morning.......
"Sammer babu......we heard that your business is picking up and you have enlarged your clientele now, we would like to apologize for being so persistent in asking for money......"

"Please don't apologize, you people have been kind enough to believe in me and invest money...."

"Thats why we have come today......you need not return the money, but we request you to give us discounts in the wholesale purchase we make from you"

"Definitely Sethji.......I am indebted to you all.....I hope I will be able to return the goodwill you have bestowed upon me..."


"Definitely Sameer babu.....We take our leave....we will sit down one day to finalize the details..."

Sameer escorted them to the street , wondering all the way back......

There was something which did not feel right......he called his wife..."Savitri....."
she came rushing out......he took her by the hand and did not stop until he reached the ashram.....

the sadhu was cleaning his asan when Sameer barged in........
"Whats the problem child, you look perturbed??"

"Did my wife come here and request you to convince me not to take to the holy path....and was it you who convinced my creditors and business partners to help me?."

"I do nothing child......as I said before, 3 things you have to choose to decide your fate...."

Sameer exclaimed...."I will believe if god himself gives me a sign.....if right now it rains , I will believe it as the signal form god that I don't need to take to the holy path and my karma lies with my family"

The sadhu stood unaffected......sameer turned to leave .....Before he could take a couple of steps......the skies overshadowed by a passing cloud and a heavy drizzle swept across the place.....

Sameer waled back slowly , took his wife by the hand and left the place speechless....


Later that night Savitri came to meet babaji.....
"Babaji , Thank you very much for understanding my plight, if only you had not convinced his business partners and the creditor's my children would have become fatherless....it was because of your powers that unseasonal rains were showered upon us..."
Let your blessings be always upon me...."

"You attribute me with powers I don't have......though I could convince people......its his will that swayed the way of nature...."

"whatever may be the case babaji......you are my saviour......bless me "


"God bless you...."


The sadhu retired to his hut.....he opened his old trunk.....a small girl of 5 years peered at him through a black and white photograph......savitri was his only child.....if only he could turn back time and undo his mistakes......He had left her to karma.....today he had to make a choice again and this time he chose wisely.....

His solitary life had taught him the power of choices over the power of destiny.....
He felt complete.....his job done....he lapsed into silence....