The word......if you search in the web for the definition.....depicts it as someone who revels in breaking rules......or rigid conventional thought process......
Though I would like to look at myself in this benign light.....it would be hypocritical ...:P.....
My life need not be even studied....if you have seen a south Indian I.T guy....you have seen us all.......There is not much we do....except create the next gene pool......To be fair , the circumstance in which we grow up are the same....hence the lack of variety.....the lack of broad colorful strokes....which make life all the more interesting......people who have small beautiful characteristics are missing......which cannot be experienced in a group of similar minded people......In the bigger scheme of things....chaos is actually a pre-requisite for a complete life.....
As beautiful middle age dawns on me....slowly I feel myself letting go of conventions which I held sacred as a teen.......the mind-numbing need to be like others is slowly losing its grip on me....
As a kid, brought up with strictly orthodox views....I could not view pre-marital sex without a jaundiced eye.....It always felt wrong..something did not seem to fit the slot in my mind....the mind already had pre-conceived grooves....anything which did not conform to it..was vigorously denied or ignored......
But as I see the various compromises that a couple go through in the name of marriage......I am beginning to feel whether it would be so bad if we did not look askance at people who decide to spend their life together without society's sanction , withstanding societies baleful glances.....
These couples seem to cope better with the society actually, they are happy.....they don't impose themselves on each other.....
In actuality any activity or decision , may it be social or political has to end in chaos, such is the logic of the dualistic world, there is always some sector which grumbles at the lack of attention......
In such a society , it is futile to equate happiness with any specific goal......
rather it is the process which is the goal...
The process makes or mars the man or woman.....when either of the individual loses out on such an experience......there is an undercurrent of repressed anger which manifests in expectation from the other person in the relationship.....
A dependency or expectation of appreciation from anyone is one of the worst things to happen to any individual.....
Dreams, ambitions which in effect are not of any consequence , but the pursuit of which makes each man or woman realize himself or herself......is a very important journey that each individual , man or woman needs to undergo....which is missed out in the name of "commitment"......
Instead of leading a contented and satisfied life, the person becomes a slave to opinions of irrelevant people, as self worth has reduced to mere opinion of idiotic people....in fact making him conform more and more to societies idiotic rules......adding one more to the city of dead......
As of now....the heart desires the childish enthusiasm of waiting for my sister to come home so that I could fight with her as I used to when I was a kid..........not even childlike....it has to be a childish pleasure.......
The adults with their make believe world tire me........they don't know fun....in fact they have forgotten how it feels......going to pubs on weekends , dancing to loud music is fun.....but it cannot replace the fun which I had when playing under-arm box cricket with the street urchins next to my friends building ......
Children who were daily belted by their drunk father and did not have enough money to buy a pair of decent clothes, but still managed to contribute 3 Rs per head for buying a rubber-ball.I really enjoyed those days.....the maximum fun I have nowadays is with some boring colleague , who explains why he is the alpha and omega of some XYZ corporation...where obviously he is irreplacable...:P....
The decision is taken........childishness is what I want...and what I will have.......I have enough of friends telling me to maintain a professional image so that people may "respect" me......I think I am ok .....and I guess people should enjoy my company rather than be in reverential awe ......
My job is ok.....and my company can easily find a replacement for me...and no this is not any loser self-degrading self empathy or sympathy.....its the truth....and is applicable to even the CEO of TCS or Infosys.....or any other MNC.......
everybody is expendable.....If a world could go without a rama , krishna or jesus....it should definitely be able to move ahead without us.....
I miss out on my friends .......who never sat lectures in college.......always took life in their stride.....thought with their hearts......revered friendship ...and went even to the extent of helping others at the cost of their own careers....
I miss that childish part of myself....which did things because they felt right.....not because they would lead to a better carrer path or better prospects.....
So listen ye gods :P........Let not me embrace drudgery in the name of maturity....keep me stupid....and childish....for wisdom lies in the toothless smile of a child rather than in the weak/fake smile of an adult.........
