Though I would have liked to give the title as "the spawn" , making it sound like some sleazy exorcist kinda movie, I refrain as this will not be doing justice to the subject under discussion....
If you are an engineer and its been your good fortune to work in an I.T company, then my dear reader you will appreciate my discussion better
The general feeling when the newbie joins an I.T company is very similar to "papa kehte hain bada naam karega".....the novice believes that he will revolutionise the working of the I.T sector....tch tch....such naivety....its actually awe inspiring when I look at it in retrospect...:P
Slowly but steadily "papa kehte hain" transforms into a guttural and nasal soundtrack by "aapdo himesh reshamiya"......slow, painful and never ending ...P
During these testing times.....the novice always has a feeling of impending doom looming over him...which lifts only when the clock strikes the twilight hour of 6:30.....any one who has been working in an I.T company ...would appreciate it when I say that we very much resemble the wilder beasts in the grassy plains of Savannah when chased by a pack of ferocious leopards.....as the clock strikes 6:30....
But on some days nature triumphs, as the Project lead threateningly lurks in the sidelines , lunging at our tender necks just when liberation is at hand i.e. the worst pain that any software engineer could endure..."This weekend due to stringent deadlines, you are requested to attend the office"....
what madness.....!!!!
On such weekends you can actually have a glimpse of the undead when the novice trudges his weary legs towards "mordor" where the dark screen of cobol looms.....where even "gandalf the white" comes dressed in sober gray....:P..
But hope still shines in the form of the "Rings"...which we form with fellow engineers....as practically none of us have any life outside the office...the bond of fellowship forged is unbreakable....If jai and veeru had been software engineers they would have happily married each other instead of mooning away and wasting their lives for jaya bachan and hemamlini...:P
what with our brilliant training in cobol and SQL..we are definitely a catch ...any red blooded female will fall for us when we describe in gruesome detail how we told the Project lead off by rebelliously not going to the office on weekends....the fact that we sat trembling , thinking of how he would pick the flesh off our bones....and how we try to overcome sheer terror by watching b-grade movies of mithun-da just to kill time......we never tell...girls don't need to know all the details....it's just the main points that needs to be covered.....:P
Maybe it is something in our brains that makes us feel cool and important as we chase minor victories of taking unannounced leaves as yardsticks of bravery and courage....
Not to say anything about the female population who darken the corridirs of I.T company...:P
the male population of I.T companies are all the same...we tend to behave the same way in any I.T company...simple-minded creatures....that's what we are...a good canteen in the ground floor and an elvin-looking HR representative is all that we ask for...
But the female population is one intersting subject...in my years of experience I an classify them into varoious sub-sects or cults ...if I may....
a)stuffy know-it-all who doesn't actually know anything
this one is actually petty harmless....but these chicks will always make you feel guilty about your own irresponsible behaviour of god-given work....how dare you not take the coding/testing/maintenance work seriously???
The purpose of life is to be stuffy, uptight and in general spread an aura of self-importance :P....they represent the stern elderly aunt who always spanked you when you made yourself sick at parties by eating too much samosa....
Stay away from these chicks fellow mates.....though the exterior maybe pleasing to the eye....do you really want to spend the rest of your life governed by a stern aunt who will not tolerate flighty foolishness ..:P
b) The ass-kisser
before you start getting ideas...this is one of the nastiest breeds that pollute mother earth....
Mainly the modus operandi is to first hunt for a sugar-daddy who would faintly resemble a mother eagle who viciously protects her little ones....
Destiny, luck, misfortune ..this is common to our ilk fellow men....these are unknown to the ass-kisser......
lady luck constantly accompanies her to on site countries ....and bad luck dare not touch her from fear of the bald/old/horny eagle
An irritatingly condescending attitude also is the AK's (ass kisser) constant companion, which reaches its pinnacle when the "rating" session begins.....
I know fellow men...I could see you wince as I wrote the words.....but life is harsh for you and me comrade..:P.....for without an over sized chest and a bootilicous behind , what else does the harsh world appreciate :P....
Since you and I are not so adept at this art which the AK practices with consummate ease.....we have to put up with raving reviews of how their work has been appreciated by all and sundry...and how indispensable they are to the general health of the company....I really understand and appreciate that....many of my friends really don't care for the company they work for...it is refreshing to see someone who so genuinely feels for the company they work for.....as one of my friends would say "pearly drop of tears" were shed by me on hearing this
Just smile and wave boys...smile and wave....this too shall pass.....
3)The huntress:
this one is also relatively harmless......she resembles the young starlet who is torn between the casting couch and the idealistic,unrealistic way of working her way to the top....
A close friend of the AK ....she nevertheless holds her own .....though sugar daddies have been part of her life too......it has been more of a step-fatherly treatment that she has been on the receiving end of....
Torn between loyalty to the AK and her own inadequacy, the huntress unleashes a powerful whiplash on....you guessed it right ...on the already down trodden male -engeering poulation....its their lot to suffer and they bow humbly before the almighty destruction that the huntress unleashes.....
Ruthlessly judgemental, she does what psychologists do to their patients....make them more miserable....
But I still like this type.....this category means no harm.....she is the female version of Sunny deol....except that instead of the "dhai" kilo ka haat ....it's the "teekhi zaban" that does the damage.....
she has no aim no mission (dialogue lifted from one of sunny paajis flick's , circa 1989), she knows only mayhem.....
4)the cracker a.k.a phataka
No....again you misread the title......phataka as in which when bursts beneath your feet...causess surprise, fear and anger and not exactly in that order.......
again a close colleague of the AK.....she too hides her diffidence by coyly biting of peoples head off when they are getting above themselves....
she is miserable and if you are not....then you had it my friend....she likes misery so much ...sometimes she manufactures it.....and yet again the raw material for the factory is provided by the oft-trodden, much abused male population....
Main difference between the phataka and the huntress is the frequency of attacks....the huntress is systematic and calculating....she waits for the right moment and finishes her prey with one swift stroke.... the phataka does not have the finesse of the huntress.....she explodes when something triggers her fuse....
her unpredictabiliy is her forte....what would you prefer, a death which is swift and clean or a dose of sulphur when you are least expectng it....
personally i prefer the huntress....atleast she gives me time as I calmly resign to my fate....
(to be continued)
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