Though I was planning to complete this misogynist monologue today night......the indian I.T company I slog for has been very understanding and has adopted me as angelina jolie adopts another third world child...:P
They strictly believe in not giving me work, else I may strain myself....so I, conscientious workaholic that I am , have decided to utilize this brilliant time to poke fun at my female colleagues....
d) The "Pied Piper"
This one seems harmless but is one of the smartest mammal around. This breed comes in various flavours. By consistently fending off "chivalrous" male attention this is the creed which invented "If you don't know me don't add me in orkut/facebook" tag
At the age of 15 or so they develop a poise which we hardy males learn somewhere when we are doddering past 70.
The back-offs and the "get a life" lines are so subtly hidden behind well crafted sniggers that even someone as smart as the author has to think twice :P
Now for the title.....this breed always belives in surrounding itself with a protective ring of "bhaiyas" who ironically themselves don't know that they are unhired sepoys :P
Such is the cunning devilry that unsuspecting fellow engineers end up offering the "watchman" services of their own.....:P....moronically believing in awe that they are the "chosen ones" friend :P
And if any of my readers suddenly felt a cold wave of self directed symmpathy, the author would like some part of it ...as even I have danced to the tune of the "piper":P
A mild variation of this type is also interesting.
This new creature is a hedonistic fashionista.....known popularly as the "Jalwa Queen"...inspired by the movie "Fashion".....
Extremely oblivious to the surrounding dog-eat-dog world("duniya kutti hai", for the puritan) , this creature revels in its own beauty.
Neither power, glory nor fame, the very idea that she is better dressed than her kaamwali bai is enough to send this lass above the moon.
Dead-end jobs, pathetic educational curriculum , existential angst, maddening attempts to escape monotony, what-cartoon-to-watch, which-heroines-screensaver-to-download ...all these are the crosses we buckle under ,fellow male engineers.....not for her.....just the fact that Loreal has manufactured a new hairspray which can change her hair color everyday is enough to propel her to rapturous ecstasy...
Normally this creature manages to ensnare 2 or 3 hapless fellow engineers (typically it has been observed that she has a fatal attraction for "bihari bitwaas" ) who pay their daily homage by dropping her off at her house and in general agreeing with everything that she has to make a comment on.......in effect the lives of these hapless beings are ruined , as no girl will look at them for being so spineless and the hapless male-engineering population is ground beneath 5-inch high pointed soles of the "jalwa queen"....
e) the "LBW" (Laambun bari waatli)
Imagine stranded in an arid deset without water for 45 days....and suddenly you see an oasis beckoning enticingly, it holds vague promises and endears to the thirst within......and then poof!!!....nothing.... it was a mirage....:(.....such are the dastardly deeds of destiny...
The LBW is a cunning creature which through certain subtle arrangement of the dress and hair attempts a complete makeover within 200 Rs., which makes her look like a million bucks from afar.....
The already parched male-engineer , who is like the proverbial wolf with puckered lips screaming "yaooooooooza", gasps in surprise at the newly turned out model....but it's a dying hope....on close observation, the charm dies...finito.....it's the sea of sand again....
It is understood that the makeover is for her own dying self-esteem, but this creature is inadvertently the most ruthless of all...as she gives us hope ...and then dashes it into smithereens....
Beware fellow mates...she will take you down...from afar....
f) The "housewife"
I have a definite dislike for this one...:P.....These creatures never play it fair and square...though they speak about women's liberation and the importance of career for the working woman......and will always act as if they have to fight the big bad cruel misogynist world....the moment we start competing with them , they will marry Mr.Moneybags and have the last laugh......
Do they comprehend , how difficult it is , for our fragile egos to even stand in front of Mr.Moneybags....:P....obviously for them money was never a factor ....they just "connected" ....it was never money pshaw!!!.....how dare we even think of such crudity.....twice they met at the local "CCD" (after they both checked out each others resume and bank balance)...and they just knew it....
You and I ...my friend ....we are crass people.....we need time to judge,understand and sync with people...not so for them.....for they were just "meant to be"...
The circus doesn't stop at this.....ideally my friend, when life stops making sense, we change course, try to pursue new challenges to know our own limitations and strengths... ....WRONG!!!....you want change....just get married and scoff at the poor hapless engineer guy as if he is missing out on something...:P...act as if marriage is the answer to all of life's quibbles....
ya.....misguide the poor chap...who already is miserable that he has not yet got laid.....:P...
(Actually lot of my anger comes from the fact that all others are getting sex under some pretext or other and I never get any :P).....
Since I need to attend one such wedding tomoroow...i have to go give my kurta for ironing...:P
(to be continued)
No comments:
Post a Comment