In the last few months,the corporate sector in Mumbai is having a pretty good time.
Whenever there is a dull moment in the office, out they bring my reume and read the balderdash that I have enlisted under the guise of experience......

It comes across as a very shy resume which doesn't want to put out on the first date :P......It slowly draws out the reader making him feel there is more to come and finally dies a sudden death....
Going through it, a thought crossed my mind, as they often do and I realised, what would fate be dishing out to somene who has a distinct disadvantage compared to me...like say a thief...what if such a man decides to join the crime syndicate and decides to submit his resume for due consideration....

What is the procedure.......or should I say Modus operandi??.....do job portals post openings for such jobs.....
I can even imagine the flyers that would be on display
"Wanted .....thief with excellent sleight of hand.....and communication skills (in case he wants to talk his way out of a tight spot)
At least 3 years of work experience in safe-blowing, money-laundering and rooftop-climbing. Preferably should have at least a dozen aliases and should be a master of disguises"
Interested hooligans can contact Miss so and so....at this particular address...."
Lets say our hero or villain ...lets call him Fishy Sam for the sake of convenience....decides to give his luck a chance ....happens to go to the interview..
What would be the conversation like....
An AL-Capone like figure sits on the chair chewing his cigar with his eyes boring into the very soul of the candidates.....
Lets call him The big boss...
Boss: Hello....have a seat..Mr...sam
S: good evening sir...nice hat you have there...I daresay its your own??? No??....
B: So whatchya been doing for the past few years sammy.....any big heists under your belt???
S: Well...I have not been into heisting as much as I have been into pick pocketing....
I mean , I do have long term goals ....but a man has got to eat...and picking pockets is something that I have always wanted to do....
Leaving aside the money....the look of dumb surprise when the chum goes through his pocket trying to find where he kept his bag of doubloons......is worth the effort....
Its the satisfaction of a job well done......that matters....
B:Hmmm....So why do want to leave it now....why the interest in joining the syndicate....???...Have people become more wary....have they started wearing their money closer to their skins.???
S: Actually I am planning to settle......she is a safe-blower form downtown____ place....Looking at her you would never guess that she raids peoples houses at night and still maintains that school girl complexion of hers....
..I fell like I should have a little woman waiting for me at the old homestead when I bring in my loot for the day.......and though going through peoples pockets is good enough for me...I doubt whether it will satisfy the little woman.....
She is a tough cookie , that one.....she told me the other day that unless I get a reward of 20000$ tagged to my name , the wedding bells wont ring out..."
B:...Hmmm.....I see .....I still don't get why you urchins get hitched so early these days...In our days unless we had an assault robbery or atleast a couple of years behind bars...we did not contemplate matrimony...In any case ..I think prison prepares you for the holy state......
Well ..I think we may have something for you on the block...I hope you don't mind working in shifts.....and I hope you don't mind working in groups....I mean it makes the job all the more easier if you have an inside stand....
S: Not an issue sir....I will be quick to learn on the job...and will do you proud...In fact I will be so good that within a year all major security companies will start patenting new designs for locks and will start recruiting heavy weight wrestlers as security guards....
B: well sammy.....Congratulations ....you get the job.....and let me warn as one married man to another....there will be days when you will prefer to be in a cell with 4 guys you haven't had a decent shower in days to the company of your little woman as you call her.....
But all in due time friend...all in due time"

ganpatipule......

For the "freaks of nature"
Are you the kind ,who prefers solitude and revels in the beatitude of nature instead of shaking a leg to the mambo beats of a DJ in a sweaty club.....
Maybe it is the healing silence that unwinds you, contrary to what your friends may say....
If you want to shake off the monotony that threatens to engulf you and want to have some "Me-time" then Ganpatipule (Maharashtra) provides the perfect retreat for you.
One of the virgin beaches that Maharashtra is famous for....its still largely undiscovered by tourists who still prefer Goa(ho-hum).....
Located in the district of Ratnagiri on the Konkan coast of Maharashtra, its easily accessible by road and rail.


For the "penny-pincher"
Ratnagiri being the nearest major station , state transport buses provide cheap and comfortable commute to Ganpatipule....S.T. buses start from mumbai in the night and reach ganpatipule in the morning, covering a distance of around 375 kms.
Adjacent to the beach is the MTDC (Maharashtra Tourism Development Corporation) which provide a good view of the beach..... recommended if you are travelling with spouse/kids....
But if you are at the beautiful age when such encumbrances don't limit you i.e.you are a student / bachelor then I empathize and maybe you should check out the local lodges. They charge around Rs 500-700 a day and you can roam around like a gypsy without worrying about some urchin pilfering through your luggage...
The rooms provided are clean and can be adjusted to accommodate 4 people.That comes to around Rs.100-150 per head.

"Main attraction"
The main attraction is obviously the clean , pristine beach.You can actually see through the ocean water which is great considering majority of the beaches in Maharashtra have been turned murky, courtesy indisciplined tourists....
The best part is, most of the people visit ganpatipule mainly for the temple and not for the beach, giving the beach a "private-beach" kind of feel.
There are no shady guys in trunks trying to sell water sports ...... hence you are spared the agony of dodging them and finding a quiet spot......
Also it's a veritable gold mine for amateur photograph buffs because of its scenic location and beautifully constructed temple.
Flanked on one side by the beach, the temple is surrounded by a hill on the remaining three sides.In fact thetemple is constructed at the foot of the hill around the deity.
Red stones used in its construction give it a distinct "rajasthani" flavour.
The walls have ornate carvings of "Dwar-palakas" (temple-gate guardians) and the presiding deity (Ganapati) in various artistic postures , symbolizing the deity's mastery over the finer forms of art.

The main deity itself is small, about 4-4 1/2 feet in height , vaguely resembling the deity with a trunk and eyes.
Devout's throng the temple throughout the day, paying obeisance to the deity who is considered all the more potent because its a swayambhu (self-made, literally swayam -self , bhu -earth)
Swayambhus are considered auspicious as it is believed that the deity incarnates at those places out of its own volition.
Legend has it that the deity was discovered when a cowherd followed his cow to the hills and found her worshiping the deity with milk from her udders.
On closer examination, the deity was revealed and a temple constructed around it.
A pradakshina around the temple is considered auspicious , symbolizing that God is the centre and we have to keep revolving in the material plane with our thoughts firmly fixed on the centre.
In any case the pradakshina is recommended, as the hill is breathtakingly beautiful especially in the rainy season.The pradakshina leads one to another swayambhu on the upper parts of the hill.
Though not elaborate as the original deity, this swaymabhu represents the face of the deity.
Regular worship is done at this particular spot too.

For the "foodie"
Food is definitely not a problem in Ganapatipule.Closer to the temple , we can find a string of good hotels offering superb malvani/konkan fare.
If you are a gourmet , try out the konkan cuisine......also there is something about the food over there ,You don't feel satiated by the food at all.......a good point if you are planning to try everything on the menu.
I would definitely recommend the "Sol-kadi" , a concoction of kokam and coconut milk, which is supposed to be an appetizer.
The charges are nominal and the total expenditure would not exceed Rs. 200 per person.

"Nearby tourist attraction"
Around 2 kms from Ganpatipule is Malgund, birthplace of the famous marathi poet "keshavsoot"
Jaigad fort is also a definite must-see.

All in all a brilliant get away for the weekend, which would help you rejuvenate both body and soul.

The book of Job

Hallelujah people....
Gosh...It's been ages ain't it......well to be frank its been really a long time since my brow shone with honest sweat....Officially I have been languishing on my plush sofa for five months now....
Golly...things are relative aren't they.....these five months just flew by....and it is not as if I don't want to put my nose to the grindstone...I mean just the other day I had gone to an interview , which lasted for around 15 minutes.....
It would be not wrong to say that the interviewer was plainly not ready to buy my story of giving a shot at technical writing....She was plainly seen pursing her lips and saying to herself, "what has come over kids these days.....He is a developer of software and what bally cheek to try out for technical writing....."
My understanding however had been " how difficult can it be.......I have technical knowledge and I have been told that I write passably....."
Not even my french cut(I refer to the fungal growth on my face here) impressed her.....
After this I was escorted to a room wherein I was told to write a manual to help rural people toast their bread into a crisp browny finish.....
Its a theory.... that more intelligent the person the more irrelevant questions fire through the cerebellum when a seemingly important task is at hand....
Well....As you will soon see...I was no exception :P......
Firstly.....why toast??...If I am not wrong the staple diet of farmers has never been bread.....it has always been the Indian substitute of bread that they prefer....
As far as I know village folks are smart and not specific of the urban niceties ....I will never be able to convince him (the villager) that keeping aside the "roti" he should opt for the more anglicized version version of it.....
He would laugh on my face or at least spit on the side and look askance at me.....
Coming back to the test....if we cant convince our target customer as to the utility of the product itself.....how can we impose the user manual on him.....
Sort of like giving the jack of spades to the player who obviously had made it plain through his secretive signals that ,it is the ace of hearts that his heart coveteth....(kinda neat eh?)
In spite of such genuine issues being unaddressed....I put my shoulder to the wheel.....and rambled on about how to plug the wire to the mains without hurting oneself.....made me feel real silly.:P...
As the document proceeded, I tried to assume an apologetic overtone, sort of to say "Rural guy...I am really sorry to write this bilge as if you don't know a thing about electricity....but if its any consolation , I have full respect for your mental capabilities and just in case this manual finds its way into your hands , I wash away all responsibilities and would like to point an accusing finger towards the corporate bosses who made me write this"
I finished the test with an editing process , which made my head hurt even more than I thought it could .....it was about the relationship between a heat exchanger and a mechanic who operates it.....
apparently the heat exchanger had a nasty way of throwing in the towel at the most inopportune moment(like all women :P)
and it was the duty of the mechanic to pacify it with cooling mixtures and a complete overhaul (spiritual equivalent to the roses-and-chocolate sequence employed by a smitten lover)
Well after all this brouhaha, i was told to wait and put my faith on stars :P .......
Well for now I just hope that even if i get the job.....they would give me something fun to write ....like writing an operating manual for nail polish remover to be used by the natives of Zambia...:P......